Lisawifemom's Blog

Does attraction change with level of success? December 27, 2010

I’m wondering this about established relationships.  You meet someone, you’re attracted, a relationship begins, etc.  Obviously, at that time, they find your current level of success part of the attractive package.

But I must digress just a bit here, because “success” is a relative term of course.  Everyone measures it differently, and that begs the question, how should success be measured? For SO many people it is the job we have and the money we make, right or wrong.  For some however, doing what you love is a sign of success, or making a difference in the world, or maintaining a healthy life style, or a combination of many things.  So, in order to keep this post from going on for several pages, I’m going to use one example of success, and you can feel free to insert any of your ideas of success in its place.

Back to my original thought, most of the time, in a relationship, the level of success also grows with time, as does, hopefully, the level of attraction.  They become more attracted to you as a person, maybe less to just the physical, and that change in attraction strengthens your relationship.  Then, hopefully, the person becomes more attractive to you physically because of the person they’ve come to know inside, etc.

Now, what happens if your “success” in life diminishes at some point?  Let’s say your partner thinks of you as “successful” because you have immense inner peace and exude joy.  However, many tragedies and changes in your life have eroded away at that inner peace and you are no longer joyful all the time.  You were young then, less hardened by life, but you’ve grown, learned, and become a little cynical.  Does your relationship grow and change with you, or does your partner loose interest because the very thing you both considered a measure of success has changed dramatically?

Of course, the simpler example is you had a good job, you lost the job, and have not been able to replace it.  Over time, does the stress of having one less income, coupled with your partner coming home every night and there you sit, having never left for work that day, etc., make you eventually start to look/be less attractive?  What if then you get a job that is “below” what you were doing before, which so many people have to do in this economy?  Does your partner respect you for taking whatever you can get or, in some way, are you now less attractive because you’re no longer a successful (blank), but now just a (blank)?

I think this is something that couples all over the country are facing now more than any other time in recent history.  Whether you measure success by the job you have, the money you make, your overall happiness, etc., much of those things have changed lately, often times dramatically.  And with the financial problems facing so many of those couples, I would guess that most are not seeking any kind of counseling to help resolve these changes in their relationship.

So, does attraction change with a person’s level success?

Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful. – Albert Schweitzer

P.S. Please rate this post, and comment, if you feel so inclined.  Thanks!