Pregnant with Twins March 6, 2011
Posted by lisawifemom in It's All About the Twins.Tags: Multiple birth, Multiples, Parenting, Pregnancy, Twin
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No, not me, I’m not pregnant with twins again. OMG, I think I would die!
In the past week, I have heard of 3 people who are “spontaneously” pregnant with twins, which in this fertility-treatment-driven time, is a bit crazy. And in at least two of the cases, there were no twins in the family, so it was really unexpected; in fact at least one couple wasn’t even trying to get pregnant. Can you imagine?
“Uh oh, we weren’t careful enough, now we’re pregnant.” Then 5 months later, “Oh by the way, you’re having twins!” Ahhhh!
Last week I delivered a meal to one of the pregnant women. I’m a member of the Beach Cities Parents of Multiples Club and this is a service we offer our new parents, we take turns delivering two meals to them. This mom was in the last few days of her pregnancy but wanted to be prepared and have the meals ready to go in her freezer (smart cookie). I so much enjoyed our first phone conversation, the slight panic in her voice bringing back memories, the satisfaction of being able to share some things to put some of that panic to rest, it was helpful, for both of us.
I took my twins with me the day I delivered the meal. My son and daughter are almost 5.5 years old now. She was thrilled to see them, see me still alive and well. ☺ She asked a bunch more questions, I gave her a bunch more advice, she was extremely thankful for the meal, and advice, and we were on our way. Again, it was helpful, for both of us. For obvious reasons for her, but for me, it was pleasurable to relive some of those memories I had forgotten, or just not thought of recently. It was also very fulfilling to be able to help someone thru what I know is such an unreal experience. Having two babies growing in your body is something that a person cannot explain properly. Then those first few months of trying to rear those two tiny people, oh my, again, unexplainable. So to be able to help someone, even just a little, thru those feelings is wonderful.
Are you a or do you have twins? Do you feel that only people with your same experience truly get it?
Not a twin and don’t have any. I often tease my son about what it would have been like to have had “2 of him”! He was a handful until he was about 6 or 7 and I can’t imagine two whirling dervishes of curiosity!
Have a great one!
Hi Lisa – not a twin and don’t have twins, but I do have two teenage girls – that counts, huh?
Anyway, I love that you love to support other women who are just beginning their twin journey. I am sure seeing you with your kids is a comfort for them – that you really did survive! I always admire women who give of themselves to others and that is exactly what you are doing. Wonderful!
Thanks Laurie, and yes, teenage girls do count! Ugh, I’m dreading it so…
No, I cannot imagine getting pregnant w/o trying, that was not my experience. I only have one kid, but have two friends with twins. They are older now, but I remember the baby phase – it was difficult. Having help is TREMENDOUSLY important. I’m stubborn so might not have asked for it, and I might have been institutionalized! I was part of http://lasmadres.com/ – a South Bay Area group offering neighborhood playgroups which, like your multiples group is very important for new motherhood. My daughter is now 17 and I’m still great friends with the moms I met then.
Pat Zahn, Photo Solutions Superhero
http://www.PatZahn.com
Pat that is SO true, getting help is vital, but yes, sadly, most women do not ask for it. That’s why I will often approach strangers with twins and engage them in conversation, ask them if they are a member of a club, etc. I guess kindly “force” the help onto them.
I am not a twin nor do I have twins. I have very close friends (more than 1) with twins and customers and acquaintances with twins. Thank God for the mothers of multiples clubs! And I don’t think one can know what it’s like unless they’ve experienced it. Bless you for sharing your experiences with women expecting twins.
Susan Berland
A Picture’s Worth
http://www.susan-berland.com
Thank you Susan.
Ahhh, twins:) We were just talking about this yesterday…and I’m going to blog about soon too:) As you know I wasn’t prepared at all…lol! But, I do remember driving home from the hospital thinking HOW are we going to do this? The first few months were really difficult and I think if I slept more than 2 hours at a time it was a miracle! Nobody can prepare you for what its like to take care of two babies…at the same time! My husband tells people it was exponentially harder than it was with our daughter….its really unexplainable as you said! I’m thinking unless you’ve lived through it, you can’t truly understand it. Words don’t do it justice. Ours are well on their way these days, so we are all sleeping through the night, a HUGE victory for us. Once that came, life was so much easier! Our multiples group and school/church helped out in the beginning which was a life saver for us. I tell anyone expecting twins (my friend had triplets!), if help is offered take it, sign up for it, ask for it, and give back when its your turn! You are going to need it. And at first I think they think I am crazy….but they all find out in the end…lol! Thanks Lisa, I really enjoyed your post today…it brought back some great memories:) Not sure you ever forget those days!!!
Rita Brennan Freay
ritabrennanfreay.com
@Rita4kids
Thanks Rita, oh so true!
Not a twin nor do I have twins but I had a boyfriend who had two sets of twins in his family. Can you imagine that?
Lisa Ann Landry
I’m an exuberant force of light… Come light up your life
http://www.imagedevelopmentgroup.com/speakers.html
No Lisa I can’t imagine having two sets of twins; although I know a few families like that, it’s SO difficult and SO wonderful.
What a great gift you gave that mom-to-be! A little assurance that she is not alone and that what she is doing and what she is about to be experiencing has been done before. Priceless!
Yes Kristin, assurance is a great word and sometimes that’s all we need to just get us thru that day.
Hi Lisa,
My younger brother and sister are twins, and I’m sure they were a handful for my mother and father. I was too young then to still have clear memories of that time.
To me the thought of any kind of childbirth is terrifying enough. Good for you for all the support and advice you’re giving those soon-to-be moms and new parents. It must be a God-send, in these days without big extended families all living together.
Robbie
Wow Robbie, how was that being the older brother of twins? Always so interested in hearing from adult twins or siblings of twins.
And it’s so true, it takes a village but these days very few families have their villages around them so it’s important to get the help from wherever you can.
I’m not a twin and have no hint of twins in my family, so it’s a rather alien topic for me. I find multiples quite fascinating (I know I’m not alone in this!) but I can’t say I have any wish to have been a twin (or triplet). I can’t quite imagine how parents of multiples cope, but obviously you do!
Judy Stone-Goldman
The Reflective Writer
http://www.thereflectivewriter.com/blog/
Yes Judy, we do, some how.
I always tell people that I don’t know any different and I just do it because there is no other option in my world. I mean they need food, I”m not going to starve them; they need comfort, it’s instinctual for me to give it, etc.
I do not have twins….but, I have several friends w twins, and I have the deepest respect for them! whew! it is hard.
ALTHOUGH, I always wonder is it easier togo through the same stage X2 or at 2 separate times????
Thanks for the fab post — I love hearing about real life! Rachel
Rachel, I often wonder the same, and frankly I think for most people, the grass is always greener. I have several friends with two singletons that think it would be much easier to do it all at once. I completely agree that in some things that is probably true, but I know that in others, it is not. For example, having a play mate (and I use that term very loosely since they rarely play together) that is the same age is sometimes great. However, every horribly challenging stage is twice as horrible. hee hee
Wow! I can’t imagine having twins. One was a lot for me. Over and again you hear the message of who really benefits when you step out and serve others. Thanks for the post.
No not a twin and don’t have twins – but I longed to have twins – weird or what! I have a host family who have triplets though and the exhaustion on their faces when I went to interview them to host their AuPair – they were like zombies! And the mum went back to work early while the dad worked full time and was studying for his MBA!!! Crazy! Good for you for paying it forward to other parents of multiples!
Louise Edington
Finding YOUR Freedom
http://louiseedington.com
Louise, I meet tons of people that wish they would have had twins, so you’re not weird, at least not for that reason.
Hi Lisa,
I had wanted twins, until I saw what that was really like and then grateful for my one! What a wonderful story…yes, I think there is a special bond and understanding between people that have had the same experience. Others can have empathy, but experience is truth
Brandy Mychals
Speaker, Author, Communications Coach
Creator of Split Second Perceptions
So true Brandy, it applies to any experience, having twins, single parenthood, etc. I love that: experience is truth.
Hi Lisa – As you know, my twins are now six. I too love delivering meals to new parents of multiples. It is so difficult in the beginning months to adjust to two babies who have needs that need to be met NOW!!!
And yes, I do believe that if you don’t have twins, it’s impossible to “get it!”
Debbie
I got so big when I was pregnant with my daughter that I looked as though I was having twins! I am small, 4’11″ and she was an 8.2 lb baby, 21 inches long! I think having twins would be quite an adventure to say the least, but not sure if I would have been up to it at 41 (that is how old I was when Taylor was born!); anyway, I think it is marvelous and wonderful how you are there for the other moms who are going through what you have gone through and be able to share your wisdom and compassion with them. There is nothing like having similar experiences to bring people together.
Donna, I hear ya, I turned 39 a few months after the twins were born. I so get one of the main benefits of having kids at a younger age! My parents were barely in their 30′s when I was in high school, I will be in my mid-50′s. It was not what I would say exhausting for them as much as an emotional challenge; I worry because I know I will have exhaustion to go long with that emotional challenge – ugh!
I have no experience at all of twins (except that I am married to one). I’ve had 3 children of my own but only ever one at a time in my womb. It must be an amazing experience to have 2 little people in there at once (or even 3 or 4!).
It’s so valuable when you can directly share your experiences with someone else who is going through what you went through. Your friend probably got a lot from sharing with you.
Fiona Stolze
Inspired Art and Living
http://fionastolze.com
Hello Fiona, being married to twin qualifies you as having some experience with twins!! Unless your spouse never interacts with or speaks of his twin, then maybe not.
Lisa,
Sigh, I always wanted twins. Sounded so romantic to me. Of course, the reality of it would be entirely different.
What a great give you gave to this other woman and soon-to-be mom of twins.
Carrie Hansen
Studio C Interior Design
http://www.studio-c-design.blogspot.com
Carrie, romantic is not a word I’ve heard associated with having twins before. And yes, there is nothing romantic about the reality of it!
Nope not a twin — though from the time I can remember til I first found I was pregnant I wanted twins. In my mind it was a great two for one deal! Then my ONE arrived and BOY did God know what he was doing and Hubby and I were so blessed with one and then another and NOT two at once;) HA HA
So wonderful that you are sharing that love of community with your children. These are the memories they will hold onto and that will ground them.
Great blog from a great mom!
Yvonne Hall
http://www.facebook.com/wildforwildtree
Hadn’t really thought about what it is like to have two little ones growing inside…it was hard enough with just one…my favorite memory is when my girls got the hiccups while in the womb…can’t imagine if there were two hiccuping at the same time or alternating.
Darcie Newton
Discipline for profit, none for jammy zins or creating memorable necklaces
http://www.mywealthspa.com
Twins must be tough. One was a struggle. Not that I regret a moment. I dont. but it would be incredibly shocking for the ill prepared!
Something so sweet about twins.
Jennifer Duchene
Home Makeover Mixtress blending lifestyle laughter and Diva Dens
http://LYShome.com
Thanks Jennifer for stopping by and commenting. I’ve been “off the blog” lately, so focused elsewhere, but am missing it and mentally blogging all the time.
I know I’m “late to the party”, but I HAVE TWINS!!! They are now (gasp!) 13! Our oldest was 26 months when the boys were born. Our financial situation forced us to both work and place the kids in daycare. Dark days, my friend. I always tell parents of twins that you will survive. The first 3 years we spent all our energies on Damage Control. Thankfully Hubby and I are a team. Could not have kept our sanity without each others support, a sense of humor, and WINE!
Parenting teens is much different than taking care of babies.
You asked about people with twins sharing the experience… I haven’t met anyone with the same situation as myself. All our friends have had single births. Most mom friends were fortunate to be SAH moms, as least until their children started school. I was just commenting the other day that if I did it all over again, the only thing I would change I wouldn’t have to put the kids in daycare.
Hi ddaloia, thanks for the comment! I fear the 13-year-old-twin time! Especially with a daughter, she’s already kicking my ass. Was it much easier just having one, since you know the difference? I hear from people that have a singleton first that they don’t really see it because when you have one first you don’t have the twins to compare to yet. My friends that have their singleton afterwards say it’s so much easier.
We are members of the local parents of multiples club and that has been a life safer, the support,the talking to others that just “get it” has been awesome.
I fully intended to go back to work around the time they turned two, and actually did work a little off and on during their year or so. However, the market and economy were not on my side at that time and it wasn’t for lack of trying that I have sort of become a SAHM. That long job hunt if kind of what spawned this blog actually. But you’re right, it’s wonderful to have been able to have this time, and no matter what has happened to our finances, I’m sure I will have no regrets.
Please post your blog so I can check it out.
Take care.
Lisa
ddaloia.wordpress.com (Mia Familia)
You asked about having a single child first. The beauty of one is she can be shuffled off to either parent. BUT when you have two and a toddler – WOW! Tough to get a break. We had a rule when the kids were small. Everything – dishes, diaper bags, etc., had to be done by 10:00pm, so we could sit, have coffee together and some time for us. No matter how tight finance were, we ate out, just the two of us, for special occasions; birthday, anniversary.
The boys were a complete and utter suprise. We “talked” about having a second child. Next thing I knew, I was pregnant again. When the Dr. checked me at 8 weeks, he found two baby blobs. There are no twins in our families. I was very overwhelmed, for years. This time, presently, is probably our best time. They are less dependent on us. The attitide needs pruning from time to time, but they’re all great kids. We take a yearly vacation to the Adirondacks. We are almost done remodeling the kitchen, which the kids have been very involved in. We will be married 20 years in July. Thanks for checking out my blog. It’s nothing worthy for Freshly Pressed, but is who we are.
Deb
I have twin daughters
That’s great Catherine, how old are your daughters?
Hi im ashley i went to the docter on the 21 of this mth for the first time. See i have four kids already my husband and i prayed for one more boy soo i was shocked when i went the other day and they said surprise its twins. What do i expect in this pregnancy thats different from one? Ow and im scared as hell. You know between me and my husband no one has twins in the family.