Have you ever noticed…toxic people August 30, 2011
Posted by lisawifemom in Random Thoughts and Observations.Tags: toxic people
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Forewarning: This is a post I started writing several months ago, and have added bits and pieces to since then, so it’s not aimed at anyone in particular. 
When you try to limit or eliminate toxic people from your life, do they turn it around and say you’re not being supportive? If I try and try again to be supportive, understanding, and help a person that is having some “issues,” only to continue to receive those “oh, whoas me” calls, then I’ve done all I can. I can not make someone take the steps that they need to improve their lives, whether it be stop using, leave that bum, focus on the positive, or whatever, when a person calls for the same advice over and over, it gets exhausting. It also becomes toxic sometimes.
I have felt the life being sucked out of me at times. I start to feel so responsible, obsess over how I can help, and why that person isn’t seeing what’s so damn obvious to the rest of the world, etc. It starts to affect my life. And if it’s someone who I really love, I’m willing to take that blow, for a bit. However, I don’t care how much I love you, who you are, I can only give you my all for so long, then I gotta get that damaging behavior out of my life! I’m sorry, I feel for ya, I hate to see it happen, however, I’ve got my family to worry about, and if you’re not willing to help yourself, then all my help is in vain, and I’m done, I can’t watch it anymore.
Do you continuously try to fix the same people, with their same problems, at any expense? Or can you only give so much, care so much, and then you must move on?
The Trials and Tribulations of a Twin Pregnancy August 9, 2011
Posted by lisawifemom in It's All About the Twins.Tags: Multiple birth, Pregnancy, Twin
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As I watch someone I love go thru the beginning stages of a twin pregnancy, I am reminded of all those scary things that I thought would scar me for life. Funny thing is, when I look back 6 years later, I remember how much I loved being pregnant and mostly just the fun parts. Strange how our minds work, I thought for sure I would be sharing my stories of early bleeding, renting a fetal heart monitor, bed rest, headaches, elephant size feet and hands, passing out during the ultrasound due to the enormous weight on my spine, nearly going bald, etc. etc.
Many of these are just normal pregnancy symptoms, however, they start earlier and are often times intensified with a twin pregnancy (or multiples). I finding that during conversations with her, things are starting to come back to me, and I’m remembering the tough stuff. So I went back recently thru my very brief pregnancy journal, and there they were, all those things that I thought I would nearly not survive at the time. Funny, here I am, and there are those two perfect babies.
You will survive, and although not all pregnancies are perfect, and there were many other unsuccessful ones for me before the twin pregnancy, I survived those too. And so will you, even if it doesn’t always feel like you can.
Are you pregnant with twins/multiples? How far along? What issues are you facing?
I’m reminded to put my needs first, make me my priority August 5, 2011
Posted by lisawifemom in Random Thoughts and Observations.Tags: priorities, priority
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As a mother, I am stereotypical in the way that I always put everybody’s needs before mine. Plus I’m a people pleaser anyway.
When I started this blog, I actually made the decision to start making more of an effort to put my needs first, if momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. Hence the name I chose for my blog, Lisa first, Wife second, Mom third, everything else falls where it may.
However, as with most things, and not much time, I slipped back into my old habits. Then every time I would type, write, or read the name of my blog, I would feel a bit guilty.
Well, this week I’ve listened to the universe and in many small ways, it’s been reminding me that I have to put myself first, and the rewards of doing it. First, I read Jillian’s Glamour on a Daily Basis post that talked about taking the time to make yourself look good, wear the false eyelashes if you want, even just around the house, etc. Hellooo, big reminder as I sat there having not washed my hair in two days! I also read Rita’s Overload Protection post, where she talks about listening to the universe.
Then I was faced with a slightly uncomfortable work situation, which I first tried to ignore. But I kept hearing about work problems others around me were having at the same time, and it forced me to examine what was best for me and act on it. I pushed thru the discomfort, willing to deal with the reaction or consequences.
Also, I was asked for favors by two separate people. Like I said, I am a people-pleaser, so I will often rearrange my life to please others, and both times started to do it. However, both times, my hubby happen to call me right in the middle of it and question what I was doing. So I listened and offered to help in ways that were also convenient for me, and guess what? It worked out fine.
Lastly, last week I stressed about making time to see someone special when the only day they could do it was also a day that I was offered a paid study. Now, anyone following my blog knows, I need the money, however, I really felt like I should take this one date I was offered to see this person. I kept putting off making the plans and the study director had to call me back twice for various reasons, which kept nagging at me. I finally decided my priority right now is the money for my family and offered alternative dates to meet. Finally, that person had a family emergency that has taken them out of the loop for the next several weeks. Had I given in to the original date, I would have passed up this money making opportunity AND been sitting at home kicking myself.
Had I not been really in-tune, trying to figure out why some other things in my life are happening, I probably would have missed these things. My hubby calling while I was making plans and telling me to stop helping everyone is not unusual; the study director having to call me back two times would not have happened if I had just told her no the first time, etc.
I’m sure I’ll fall back into putting the kids, and the world’s needs first, but hopefully I’ll pull myself back again and again, and it will become more of the norm. Are you good at putting yourself first? Do you believe that your priority should be you?
